Got fucking angry after our family dinner tonight and felt shit about it. The last family dinner we’d all share together before I took off to Costa Rica and my brother moves to Sydney. I was a bit lame and got a bit snappy and short. Mostly, I think I was just a bit upset and also feeling a bit sensitive. I always feel a deep sense of love and gratitude when I leave home…well aware, that it could possibly be the last time I see my most treasured, loved people. I know, sounds dramatic, but I genuinely feel that. After the loss of my eldest brother last year - I’ve come to realise how precious final moments are. I never want to rush myself - I try and observe, sense, smell and take it all in.

What are we? But a collection of memories indulged through the senses and imprinted into the subconscious mind. Just wanna make sure I’m full of rich, worthy, loved up ones that fuel a positive existence.

Long story short, literally, just read the scib below. It’s about feeling anger, realising it’s a cop-out cover up, giving it some time, recognising the root cause/ triggers, not giving into it, not entertaining a victim mentality, and finally - letting go to let love in. Don’t forget - we live in a duality. So, if we can feel sadness we also have the ability to feel happiness. We learn through the contrast. I sorta realised I felt sadness because I was reminiscing all the happiness and was afraid it was alllllll going away or that I’d be missing out…or something like that. Part of me was also grieving my childhood - watching us all grow up and move into our own unique unfolding/ journeys.

Giving Anger Time

*standard week day evening driving listening to music

I gave into anger

Surrendered to the feeling

It surged through my chest

I wanted to hit something,

anything

To release

Disperse

Set free

Get rid of

I wanted to unzip my torso

Fill it with helium

So light

Empty

I lift off

Exit the stratosphere

Explode into a million pieces

Floating through space

Fucking Earth

My breath is fire through my body

I can’t breathe deep enough

It pisses me off

This slow music is screwing me

Fuelling the tension

Too slow in contrast to this

Like waiting on someone else

SO SLOW!!!!!!!!

Out of my control

Irritable

Im stuck with myself

I go a bit deeper

Actually,

I think I’m sad

I sense sadness in the anger

Somewhere

Maybe I’ll cry

I try, but it’s not there for me

I think about going to your house

To cry there or something

Not sure

To get some attention

But it’s just not true, not right

I drive a bit longer

Glad I didn’t text….

One tiny tear comes to my left eye duct

Pathetic

I feel like a fake

Like a child seeking sympathy

Sort it out......

I take the long road home

I change the music

I breath ocean air

I give myself time

Road works stop me

Literally

STOP

I come back around

I quickly check myself in the mirror

Human contact ..... now.....? It’s almost 10pm

Fuck

Fuckers

I wipe my fake sad face away

I feel good again

Just a moment feeling sorry for myself

Because it’s easy

And it’s an old pattern

But yeah, nah.

I realise my triggers

Moments that trip me

Just a quick review

And maybe my period

Bit sensi sometimes

I have a long shower

A big sigh

I message a friend

She knows me well

Always voicemail

I release

I laugh

I realign

With wisdom

Just another day in the life

4D

Drama

take a leaf from the Dalai Lama

Should try and clock some sleep -

that helps too

Anyway, this is my experience and here are my suggestions:

If you get angry, give yourself time (1), I went for a long MF drive. Connect with someone (2), get help if it’s too much to deal with on your own. Science has shown* we actually heal and destress when we have the opportunity to care for others…..so don’t think you’re a burden! You’re actually doing your mates and family a favour. Find a constructive outlet (3) - something that is aligned to your values, something that moves you forward….rather than reactive destructive behaviour. Some ideas, and I suggest outward expressions rather than inward ones… move your physical body and SWEAT, write, drive (within the limits or whatever), play music/ sing, jump in the ocean… you get the point…get creative! Do some work on yourself (4) - Train the mind to find balance so you can respond rather than react - ITA Energy Medicine session, Lifecycles mentoring, meditation, counselling and the like.

Disclaimer: *dunno if it has but think I read it somewhere. Sounds right, google it!