I watched the people. Our people, on planet earth…doing things. You know, daily Sonder.

Noun. sonder (uncountable) (neologism) The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passed in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it.

And here is what I thought today, a snippet of my daily pages.

18/09/19 Wednesday 📓 

Reconnecting to the rhythm - the beat of our hearts pulsing planet earth. Our place. All of us - sharing in this naturally intelligent infinite energetic ball of colour, light, and sound. 

I take a moment to truly look around. To be in awe of the mysteries that are yet to be explained ... like, ME. I want to know myself, fully. And these creatures, the unfolding of flowers, the never-ending movement of waves and water. The air and illusion - the way it creates gaps that make me feel separate from you.

I spend a lot of time looking around. I like to observe people and patterns. The psychology of things. I like good questions more than good answers.

I look out there and it pulls me back in here.

I close my eyes and I look at the blackness.

I mean, I really look at it. I try to understand it. I try to find myself there, inside my mind, my body. Who am I, in here? Where is Here?

All the things out there - the people, the places, they disappear and yet I remain... sorta. Same same but different. Like a place I go in dreams. The darkness comes alive and dances with a strangeness I can’t articulate.

And there’s a girl there, dancing in the darkness. She talks to me. Matter of fact, we dialogue back and forth for some time.

The connection gets stronger each day. An imaginary friend without the exorcism. She’s starting to take control, positively, and all I had to do was surrender my control and give her permission.

I’ve been trying to find my voice. Trying to find the words, language, and rhythm that connect us. I’m speaking up, writing, creating videos, facilitating workshops… and it’s only dawned on me just now.

I thought it was out there, like this. A voice to the external world. HELLO WORLD!!!!

But I’m listening, listening and observing and I think it’s actually in here. A voice in here, in my heart, from her heart. And this, well, it’s a transcription of that. I have to read it back too, to learn. It’s quite a fascinating process.

Sometimes I feel crazy, I laugh out loud ...a lot. But I like sharing this life with myself, it’s ... lifting.

And the Trust, well, I couldn’t explain it if I tried. Because when you believe in yourself you have nothing to prove. I am the leader and the follower, the teacher and the student.

And this inner spirit, this soul friend, she costs me nothing. If anything I’ve gained time through accuracy, her discernment - wisdom through experience. She never forgets … 4.543 billion years of observation and all I’ve gotta do is listen.

I couldn’t begin to imagine, but I try. I play with her, the game of life. Curiously, closer and closer to my core.